Dealing With Grief

I have struggled with depression twice in my life and it settled in while I was grieving.

The first time I was depressed, I had just lost my brother, and the second time was when I lost my two-year-old child. We all grieved when I lost my brother, but it hit me the hardest because I was the closest to him. I mean, he was my twin.

Throughout my grieving period, I felt like I was out of my body. I couldn't snap out of it. I was just floating through life. Then I got pregnant, and the joy that left me started to come back again. It felt like the universe was giving me a sign to keep living. I was in a happy place throughout my pregnancy and even after childbirth. She quieted all the voices in my head. She was the calm I needed. Life was good till I lost her when she was two, to an allergy incident. My life was shattered once more. This time I became suicidal. My two favorite people in the world were dead. So I overdosed on painkillers. Luckily, my husband found me just in time. He rushed me to the hospital, and the doctors were able to save my life just in time. After that incident, I was admitted into a psych ward and kept on a suicide ward. I attended therapy and I spoke to my therapist about how I was dealing with grief. It took me being on antidepressant medication and attending therapy for me to bounce back.

It is almost two years after my child died, and I won't say I am completely done grieving. I don't think you can ever stop grieving, but I am better than I was before. I found a way to channel all my hurt and anger. Now I spend my time growing plants and flowers. I see it as a way of giving life. I find fulfilment in it. Grief is a black abyss that sucks you in if you are not careful.

Tina

India